I remember staying up every Wednesday with my mom to watch America’s Next Top Model. At that time, I was eight years old and we would always hold debates on who we thought would win the season, while watching the show. While her arguments were backed up with solid observations, mine consisted of my understanding of beauty and it seemed that all of the models were gorgeous and thin and without those two factors, they would not even be on the show. That false and shallow comprehension fed into my perception of my own body, as I found myself struggling a lot with feeling comfortable in my own skin and identity. As a young Asian-American girl, I was constantly reminded every time I flipped through a teen magazine that I did not fit the standards of society. Every single female on the glossy pages were beautiful, blonde and far from being mocked because their eyes were not monolids.

Having a lack of media representation for my race had a huge impact on my life. When I entered middle school, I eventually conformed because I wanted to fit in. I felt that to be beautiful, I had to skip a few meals and experiment with a number of anti-acne cleansers and night creams that worked to clear and lighten my skin. None of this helped boost my confidence, as all it did was make me feel really uncomfortable and unnatural in my own skin. I allowed myself to be controlled by American society’s standards and quite frankly, I did not know where I stood as an Asian-American teenage girl. That led to me burying my cultural background and detesting my last name with a passion because no one could pronounce it correctly. After countless encounters regarding my last name, it began to lose its significant value as my last name became Americanized for the benefit of others.

Whether it was the opportunity to start fresh or the inspiring atmosphere full of individuality and maturity, I decided I was just going to be myself in high school and that worked out pretty well. At the same time, people of color were slowly taking over media and I was able to question and reevaluate my conformity. I realized that beauty is much more than just exterior, it is what’s within, and I had to accept my cultural identity and embrace it because it was part of me. Just like my complicated last name, I am unique and I should not have to change myself to fit someone else’s standards because I want to be accepted.

The battle against insecurity isn’t easy and I still have troubles with it today. With the uprising of social media, it seems that it is much more easier to feel discouraged with my own self. I mean it’s kind of hard to look at the screen and not compare yourself to someone on your feed, who is literally “goals” and living such an “ideal life”. I know social media is absolutely innovative and entertaining to individuals, but I feel like it’s developing into a toxic platform for body image. It seems that no matter the century, there is always an ideal body type for genders and that has a negative impact to self-confidence.

I’m not trying to sound anti-social media, but this is a very serious topic and I don’t think many are aware of how impactful body image is to an individual. The influence that media has on society as a whole is surreal and the fact that a majority of it still hasn’t caught on that beauty comes in all forms, is really sad. I really praise Dove and Aerie for their diverse campaigns to promote self-love and I can only hope that in the next couple years, more well-renowned companies and industries shift towards that direction. Who knows, maybe I’ll be the head editor in chief of my own agency that will help lead our tainted media into an era of self-acceptance and body positivity.