When I’m alone. I drift to the thought of what people think about me. Do they think I laugh too loudly and obnoxiously, or that I can never stop talking?

I usually don’t dig too deep into it because it makes me go into a never-ending spiral of what I assume people think of me.  Every interaction replays in my head over and over again. Even if it was just to ask for a pencil from someone random, I think twice before I even ask anything. I am afraid of what people might think about my appearance.

I always wonder if this is how other people feel, or am I the only crazy one who does? I am so used to it that sometimes I don’t even realize I’m making up scenarios in my head about what someone might think of me. It makes me feel delusional that I’m thinking someone is paying that much attention to me, because most of the time, people just respond without thinking too much about it. I’ve been around too many people who judge, as a Mexican who grew up with family members who talk about everyone and anyone, I think I’ve grown some kind of PTSD. They always talk about people’s clothes, hair, skin color, job, partner, literally anything you can think of, they will find a way to talk about you. But I’ve gotten used to it. Most of the time, the family members who tell me things can’t even be judging me because their kids are worse, but that’s not my business

I feel like people who don’t know me see me as a quiet person who doesn’t talk very much, and as someone who looks lost because I am always zoning out, thinking about God knows what. But if you ask someone who has known me or still talks to me, they would see me as someone who makes jokes and laughs at them for like five minutes straight, gasping for air, and as someone who is there for them when they need me.

You might see me as a medium-height Mexican girl who’s quiet most of the time and is afraid to say anything, but inside, I have pretty good qualities as a friend, sister, and daughter. As long as I know that I am kind, respectful, and friendly, I don’t really care about what people think of me.