For most of my life I’ve been nothing close to who I’ve become now as an individual. Life isn’t always the way you plan it to be, the typical happy life everyone believes they will have. To me that wasn’t the case.

Now reflecting back on my past, I realize the countless mistakes I committed knowingly, were just reactions to my negative experiences that I had. But I know that at the time, I didn’t know that, so hurting other people and myself was the way that I reacted to any sort of pressure or stress in my life.  I knew this wasn’t the way it should be, but moments of weakness where I had someone to lean on, never happened. But that would be another issue I realize now in the present that I wouldn’t have in the past. That issue was my ability to trick myself into denying my own feelings, and sadly even my own actions.

My accountability skills were something that I call now “a stage of denial,” where nothing someone does or says will change the fact that I didn’t do it or I didn’t feel it. My advice to those going through the same thing is, don’t allow denial of your actions and feelings destroy your life because it can. Not taking accountability of how you feel or having integrity as many others say to admit that you’re wrong, is an important necessity needed in life. Besides the things I did wrong, I know that what I did was for a reason. Even though the reasons were never reasonable to the common person.

But to me it had a purpose. A purpose that taught me right from wrong the hard way. Learn from your past mistakes because the things you did in the past will have an effect in your present life, so imagine how your future will look if you choose the right cards.